First Rule

[prototype_king]

[Video]

Man, gods can't even get the timing right when they're troubling me, can they? All that hassle to summon me from one world to another and they can't even manage it in time for that big battle they were fighting.

[The picture flips around, as if the person broadcasting is (roughly) examining the book he's using to record from multiple angles.]

This is a nice little toy, though. I bet the man in the tower would've been jealous.

[The picture flips again as the blond, garishly dressed man broadcasting this flips it down onto a table or desk and leans down over it.]

Well, none of that matters. People of...wherever this is! Your pleas for aid have been answered by the mighty GILGAMESH, KING OF HEROES! - but you can call me Archer, since that's the role I was summoned into just now.

As anyone here from the planet Earth surely knows, I'm my world's mightiest and earliest hero, and lucky for everyone hearing this, I've decided to come fight the moronic gods that are troubling people on this world.

Now, Thor or whatever damn fool is ordering him around caught me at a slight disadvantage. You see, I threw away immortality millennia ago, and I've been granted a second life through a magical contract. I won't bore you with the details, but that contract recently expired, so I'll be needing to make another one.

Anyone with magical power who wants to fight alongside the strongest and handsomest hero in Earth's history just needs to reply to this message and give up a bit of your prana to let me fight my best. In exchange, you'll be granted three boons from the most ancient and wealthy of kings, myself. More than a bargain, I assure you. If there's no takers, I suppose I'll have to avail myself of our "host", but frankly, gods leave a nasty taste stuck in my teeth, but trust me. You want me on your side.

Comments

[puppy_lancer]

...Shut up, Archer.

[As a hero summoned into the same Grail War, Lancer feels perfectly comfortable telling that to Gilgamesh.]

You know this "No Masters" shit? Well, welcome to the club. You're not the only Servant here without a Master, so get in line.

[prototype_king]

Oh look, it's the mutt. Well, I'm sure there'll be another lovely young maiden willing to boss you around.

[puppy_lancer]

Archer.

[Lancer's tone goes from irritation to outright rage.]

Shut up about Misaya. Right. Now.

[prototype_king]

Hey, hey, if I wanted to fight you, I'd have gone into how gods-awful that Grail muck made her look. I lost an important person to that too, you know.

After all, I hadn't gotten to beat Saber properly yet.

[puppy_lancer]

That will be enough, Archer.

[If Gilgamesh says anymore, then Lancer will kill him even if he has to die in the process.]

Now, what about Saber? I met him during the initial battle. He seems to come from the future and his head is all fucked up.

[prototype_king]

Eh? Saber's here?

[puppy_lancer]

Some version of him. His mind is shot, though. Can't remember me or Ayaka. Can't remember the stuff about being corrupted either.

[prototype_king]

If he's forgotten that girl, he must have truly had his brain fried...

[puppy_lancer]

And he didn't even have the decency to remember how I saved her from going the same way as Berserker's old Master. Must be all the Grail mud in his head.

[prototype_king]

Clearly, the only choice is to challenge him again and fight him until he acknowledges us.

[puppy_lancer]

I get first dibs.

[prototype_king]

Eh, you had your chance. We'll just see who finds him first.

[puppy_lancer]

You're on!

[hasturtheunspeakable]

"Oh, lovely. From Nigerian prince to legendary hero. Once a scam, always a scam."

[prototype_king]

You're several thousand miles west of right, fool. This isn't a scam, it's an honest offer from the strongest Heroic Spirit!

I just don't care for gods much.

[hasturtheunspeakable]

Sigh.

"Right. So you'll drain peoples' energy and promise them some vague 'favour' in return? That's more or less the definition of 'scam.'"

[prototype_king]

*huff*

If you must have details, these favors actually are magically enforced command spells. It simply doesn't make sense to call them that when I'm a king.

[hegemonstratos]

... What exactly is prana?

[prototype_king]

Prana, mana, magical energy - just technical terms for the same thing, young lady.

[hegemonstratos]

Oh.

How does that contract of yours work, exactly?

[prototype_king]

I draw from your supply of magical energy, and in return, you get three favors from me. It's a little bit like freeing a genie.

[hegemonstratos]

And what happens after those three favors are gone?

[prototype_king]

Then we're still on the same side. I just get to take everything you say as a suggestion instead.

[hegemonstratos]

Then how was your contracted voided in the first place?

[prototype_king]

Well, despite my best efforts, immortality's not something I can grant, and we were in the middle of a pretty messy war...

[hegemonstratos]

*Oh.*

I'm... sorry to hear that that happened to your last master.

[prototype_king]

Eh. He was a fair man, but people die. The only way you get to live forever is in peoples' memories.

I can recommend a really good book on that subject, by the way.

[hegemonstratos]

... That is a good point.

*He didn't seem to be too upset about it at least... but this was probably not the first time this 'Archer' had gone though that.*

That book you're talking about, is that one on your contracts, or on immortality or memories?

[prototype_king]

It's got a wide variety of themes, but I guess it wound up being about mortality in the end.

Stop by the "Palace" and maybe I'll regale you with the whole story if I have time. If not I'm sure I threw some paperbacks of the incomplete version into Babil while I was on Earth...

[hegemonstratos]

Alright, I'll head over them sometime.

*She has no idea what Babil is, but well, it's not her place to even ask so it doesn't matter.*

[just_some_meddler]

"Archer", is it?

[prototype_king]

If you wish. I'd rather go by my real name, honestly.

[just_some_meddler]

Gilgamesh it is. I just thought Archer was an unusual title.

[prototype_king]

It's a fairly pointless label, when you get down to it.

video; every time he says that title, this is going to happen

[idonthavearoute]

Um, not to interrupt your speech or anything, but kings can't be heroes.

[prototype_king]

And why the hell not?

[afieldofswords]

[There is something vaguely familiar about this man, but Archer can't put his finger on it. Even though he just spelled out his identity in full. Still, blowhard heroes obsessed with glory are already irritating to him, so...]

...hm. Did you spend all day rehearsing that speech?

[Keywords relevant.]

[prototype_king]

I don't really plan that far ahead.